One year ago, I lost the one person who, no matter how much I screwed up, no matter what I did, she always had my back…always there to give me emcouragement…
She was my best friend…my rock…the shoulder that was always there to cry on.
I wasn’t the best daughter in the world…but I stood by her side in her final days…
April 16th, 2009: A medical bed set up in the living room next to the loveseat. It had been there since three days after Easter. Since it arrived, I had been sleeping in the living room, tending to my mom’s needs, helping her in every way, making sure she got her medicine on time.
I woke up on the couch, hearing my mother say: “Calypso, get me the bucket.” I looked at her, disoriented from the sleep, saying: “Say what, baby girl?” “Get me the bucket.” she said again. I got up and handed her the medical bucket sitting on the tray/table next to the bed. I looked at her and saw something brown on her white night shirt. I turned on the light and realized it was coming from her mouth, and had gotten all over her shirt and down onto the sheets below her.
I called my aunt, the official overseer of my mom’s affairs. I told her that my mom was spilling out blood and that I wasn’t sure what to do. “I’ll call Hospice and get them to come out. I’m almost to the house. Call your sister and let her know what’s going on. We got off the phone and I wiped the blood from my mom’s mouth.
My aunt called back and told me the news: “The doctors are saying that she’s entered the dying stage…that’s why she’s spitting up blood. They’ll be there in twenty minutes. I’ll be there in five. Did you call your sister?” At that moment, there was a knock at the door. It was my sister. I stopped her from coming inside and handed her the phone. “You need to talk to auntie before you come in.” She stood there and talked to our aunt. When she got off the phone, we picked my mom up off the bed and sat her in the wheelchair so we could change the sheets and pillowcases. While my sister put the sheets on the bed, I cleaned my mom up and put her on another nightgown, one of her favorites.
“I wanna go outside.” she mumbled. My sister rolled the wheelchair to the front door and let my mom look outside. There was no ramp for the step that lead down to the front porch, so that had to suffice. She brought her back to the bed and together, we put her back in, covered her with a blanket and continued as normal, making sure she took her medicine…but she couldn’t shallow the tiny pills anymore.
My aunt showed up shortly after that and we waited for the doctor to arrive. He finally showed up and examined my mom. He pulled us aside and told us what he had told my aunt over the phone. “She’s in the dying stage…I don’t see her making it till tomorrow.”
I got on the phone and texted Tyche, letting her know the news. She immediately got off the phone and called Luke and Bell, letting them know that she was getting off work and catching a bus over to my house. Scott insisted that he pick her up and bring her over. They arrived around 11.
Slowly, but surely, members of the family began to arrive. My dad, uncles, aunts, my great aunt, even a few friends that my mom grew up with, people I had only seen a handful of times growing up. My sister went and picked up my brother and stepbrothers. They came in and talked to my mom. Until this point, my mom’s words were slirred and incoherant. When she saw her stepsons, she told them that they were big boys now. The oldest of my stepbrothers, Peter replied, “That’s because you helped raise us. Thank you, Mrs. Maharet.” Paul, the youngest of the two, remained quiet. He sat next to her, gave her a kiss, and told her he loved her. He had always been the quiet one…
My brother came in and couldn’t look at my mom. He had been so torn up about all of this that he’d been staying with his brothers at their mom’s house. “Tell her it’s ok to go, Tony…she needs to hear that you’ll be fine” my aunt told him. “Hell naw, I ain’t telling her that! It’s not alright for her to go” he snapped back. “You’re the reason she’s fighting to stay…she’s worried about you the most,” my sister told him. He looked at my mom and told her, “It’s alright, ma. I’ll be alright.” Before this, she had been in and out of ‘sleep’ but when she heard those words from my brother, she looked right at him and said, “You sure, Tony?” It’s the first time that day she knew exactly who she was talking to. Before this, she was calling me Lakeshia and my sister Calypso… “Yeah, I’ll be alright.” She nodded and went back to her delirious state.
Tyche and I had called our friend Sam and told her what was happening. Sam always saw my mom as a mother to her and she was that way to every friend, boyfriend, and acquaintance that I, my sister, and brother ever had. Sam showed up with Jane and they came in, gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and told her they loved her. They walked outside as my mom’s friend Jessi came in to watch over my mom. I walked outside with them…
“OH GOD, MAHARET?!” I heard her exclaim. Lakeshia and I ran inside. Tyche, Luke, and Belle told us that they would watch the kids. When we got inside, my mom was not breathing. JoJo, my aunt, checked her pulse…”She’s hanging on, but her pulse is faint. Calypso, Lakeshia, you two need to tell her it’s ok for her to let go.” In an emotional wreck, my sister and I held our mom’s hands and urged her to let go…telling her that we loved her and that she didn’t have to fight anymore…it took five minutes before she passed.
My sister and I walked outside to inform everyone that she was gone. Lakeshia collapsed on the porch and broke down…for the first time, I had to be the strong one for my sister. I helped my sister up and hugged her, telling her that I was here for her, that I could never be our mom, but I would be there to help her and to listen to her.
Once she regained her composure and went to hug her sons and comfort her eldest, I went over to Tyche and Sam. Luke and Belle were keeping Lee occupied. Tyche looked me in the eye and started to break…”She’s gone, baby girl…” I told her. Both her and Sam broke down then and we all hugged. Luke came over and began to comfort Tyche as Jane began to comfort Sam. My dad came over and began to comfort me. Even then, I couldn’t shed more tears.
I stepped off to the side and immediately called Adam… He was my first real boyfriend, and although we hadn’t been a couple in five years, he was still considered family. Even while talking to him and hearing him begin to tear up over the phone, I still couldn’t cry…
So, here I am, a year later, my emotions had been bottled up since then, slowly leaking here and there…until today. What did it? My son…he looked at my profile picture and said, “That’s NaNa and you, MaMa…I miss NaNa.”
That broke me…he’s so young and doesn’t quite understand what happened last year. He just knows that he misses his grandmother and that mommie does too. I’ve fought to remain strong and not break in front of him…I failed miserably today…
So for those of you who are reading this, you now know why I seem so emotional this time of year. Spring, for me, is a somber time of year…Easter marking the last time she left the house, April 16th marking her passing, May 23rd marking her birthday…and, of course, Mother’s Day…
So forgive me if I seem closed off/shut down/emotionally not there…I have alot on my mind…and they keep saying, “The first year is alway the hardest…”
Posted in Uncategorized
Lynn planned the whole thing out, telling me that she wanted to take me to dinner. I called up Ann and asked her to watch Lee, since there were no kids going with. After she picked him up, I messaged Lynn telling her I was ready. Harrison came to get me and to drop off a bouquet of balloons and roses (26 each). “There are 26 roses and 2 are friendship roses, one for you, and one for Lynn.” AWWWW!!! 
