Moving…Again

So the trio I’m staying with have officially told me that they are planning on putting the house up for sale on February 15th, which means I have 30 days to find somewhere to move. Now, I knew they were planning on moving this spring, but I didn’t expect a 30-day notice this soon!
Oh well…I’ve been meaning to spend more time with my sister and nephews anyway…it”ll just become an extended visit…
*sigh*

Mark of a New Year

Tonight marks another year that has gone passed and a new one that awaits discoveries and possibilities. Tonight marks uncharted waters that I will sail through full sail and full speed ahead.

Tonight, I spent with my new family…Midnight, Ann, Julia, Mitchell, and Ernest. We brought in the New Year together and had fun singing karaoke, drinking, and just enjoying each others’ company. It was, indeed, a memorable night for me.

Ann and I did something special for our New Year…we both wrote down our favorite and our worst memories of 2009 as well as our New Years Resolution and set them ablaze at12AM. I do believe that will become an annual thing for me.

With the dawn of a new year, I talked to Joshua and his sister, Courtney. Courtney and I have known each other since I was pregnant with Lee. We’ve had our ups and downs (mainly because of her now husband, David) but we’ve always come back as friends. She told me about what’s been up with her and David since we last spoke and that she misses me. It was nice to talk to her and clear some things up…I’ve missed her.

Lakota is happy that 2009 is finally over. It was a very rough year for him. Now that it’s a new year, hopefully things will begin to look up for the both of us.

I hope this blog finds all the readers in good spirits and I wish you and all you know a safe, happy, and wonderful 2010! Here’s to making a mark and enjoying this new year one day at a time!

You never know how good you have it until it’s gone…don’t sweat the small stuff and treat each day as if it were your last!

Birthday Weekend

Badass weekend! And my surprise arrived early…

 - Wednesday, October 14: Lakota surprised me with a visit a month early! I wasn’t expecting to see him until November. We spent all night together, enjoying each other’s company. It was amazing!

-Friday, October 16: Doug’s surprise birthday party. Jamie had been planning this since September. We got there early to help set up. Lots of friends from game showed up. A few drinks, pizza and snacks, along with good friends…great party.

While there, I found out that Lakota & I have more mutual friends than we realized. They went to pick him up from Palm Coast and brought him back to Jax to hang out. That night, he crashed here with me. *sigh*

Saturday, October 17th: Midnight, Alex, Tyche, Ann, and several other friends went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show midnight showing. It was lots of fun! Tyche went dressed as Columbia and Alex was Rocky. Good times…

Sunday, October 18th: My dad took me to a movie and lunch. The movie, Paranormal Activity. Awesome movie! It had us both spooked. LoL After the movie, we went to P.F. Changs for lunch. Lots of laughs, lots of fun. After lunch, we came back to the apartment and I introduced him to Ann, Will, Jeanette, and Midnight. He and Midnight seem to get along alot! Then again, they are both musicians…

Off to Hall of Terror! I revised my role as Carmen Rosario (my Voodoo priestess from Black Hearts and Bitter Rue). Apparently I got quite a few scares considering I was told that I was in the top 3 for Best Scare that night. A bloody voodoo priestess does wonders!

Monday, October 19: My actual birthday! So far, nothing to brag about…but the day is still young, so things could change…

BF Swap?!?! *GAG*

WTF are my roommates smoking?!? It’s like their way of maintaining friendship is by passing around ex-boyfriends!

Julia is expressing interest in Midnight. Julia used to date Will. Jennifer and Ann are both dating Will. Jennifer is trying to convince me to date her ex. WTF kind of twisted shit is this!!

Whatever their thing is, I want NO part of!

Fuck the dramatic B.S. I’ll leave town altogether before I become apart of it…

For Midnight…

“You” by Evanescence

The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I can’t sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight

When we’re together, I feel perfect
When I’m pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue
I can’t look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me

Amy, marry me
Promise you’ll stay with me
Oh you don’t have to ask me
You know you’re all that I live for
You know I’d die just to hold you
Stay with you
Somehow I’ll show you
That you are my night sky
I’ve always been right behind you
Now I’ll always be right beside you

So many nights I cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself
I never thought I would say this
I never thought there’d be
You

My Current Emotional State

MISSING BY EVANESCENCE

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll look up,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
“Isn’t something missing?”

You won’t cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant…?
Am I so insignificant…?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’m the sacrifice,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
“Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?”

Even though I’m the sacrifice,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I’ll bleed,
Knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I’ll wake without you there,
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something…

Even though I’m the sacrifice,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

The Fallen Will Rise Once More…

I’ve been on a rollercoaster the past few weeks now. Going in loops, turns, and sudden halts. This week marked the huge hill. Monday marked the rise in the hill with news from my sister. Tuesday was when I reached the top of the hill. I thought it would be a bit of a plateau before the drop, but, I stood corrected Wednesday night.

After work, Midnight took me to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in IMAX. It was COMPLETELY worth the extra cash for the IMAX price! It’s definitely worth going to see again! I stayed with Midnight that night, him taking me to work the next day as well as having lunch with me. He truely is one of the great ones…

On Thursday, when I got into the house, I began to notice that the house was in more of a reck than it was two days prior! I begin to get angry and pissed off. Things were out of place, messes made with no intent of cleaning up after themselves…just laziness! Midnight called me and calmed me a bit until I begin to inform him of a matter involving my brother. The conversation went as follows:

{M}”I’m being lead to tell you this: ‘Get out A.S.A.P.! Pack your shit, go and stay with a friend if you have to until you get your own place, but you need to get out of there…you’ll be next.’ [silence] I don’t mean to scare you, baby, but when I’m told to give a message, it’s for a reason. [silence] Baby? Do you need me to come and get you? [silence] Do you need me to come & get you?” {C}”Yes.” {M}”I’m on my way” [click] Minuets later, Lily called, asking what was going on. It was in that moment that I realized how closely connected I was to Lily…almost as if we were linked…I stayed on the phone with her well until I was on my way back to Midnight’s house.

He calmed me down, apologizing for scaring me, but also getting me to understand why he had to tell me…I understood then as I understand now…there are just some things that MUST be said! Being with Midnight that night made me feel safe…I always feel protected with him. I know that no harm will come to me when he is around.

Friday was a pain in the ass…I was fired from my job because “the company sees no reason in keeping me”. At least Page wasn’t a dick…otherwise I would’ve hexed the place…that night, I couldn’t recall my dreams…been happening alot lately…

Saturday was just twisted…I had very odd dreams and weird feelings. Everything has been examined and I know what’s going on now. Things are now in place to handle it…thanks to Lily & Midnight.

Today is Monday…and I’m back at home…all alone. I miss Midnight…Lily is on her way back where she belongs…I have only a few more days until I’m back in his arms…

Who Knew?

When I began playing on Second Life, I had no idea that it would begin merging into my real life…

First, there’s Svet, Maj, Talon, Lysette, Jericho, Violo, and Tyche. These are people I knew BEFORE joining SL. Since then, I’ve been able to add a one name to my SL/RL list: Zain.

Zain & I met at Inspirations when it was still around. He’s been a great friend to me, both SL & RL. I’ve known Zain for a while now, so he holds a special place with me.

I have developed a relationship with him in RL, my feelings I’ve tried keeping hidden slightly…

There’s no telling what Zain’s feelings towards me are nor do I want to know…he has so much on his plate right now, I couldn’t bare to ask or mention any of this to him…in fact, I plan on making this post private as so he doesn’t read it…

When I first started SL, I figured “Hey, it’s like the Sims on a larger scale…worldwide baby! WooT!!” Little did I know that I would be so drawn into the people, the emotions, the feelings…the love.

Zain, I love you…I always have and a part of me always will. I will always be here for you, backing you up when you need me to, lending a helping hand. Any time you need/want me, you have my #….as well as a piece of my heart.

{Current Song: Pusifier – Rev 22:20}

True Colors

If there’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s a two-faced person…one who will laugh and smile in your face, but the second you turn around, they’re plotting to stab you in the back.

What’s worse than finding out you were screwed over by someone you know? When that person is a blood relative!

The past week (May 31st – June 5th) have been hell! 

Tony got arrested on Monday for breaking & entering (possibly attempted robbery, I don’t have all the details…) Luckily, Keshia was able to get him out…then Wednesday happened…

Keshia was arrested! She, unlike Tony, had to spend the night in jail. Her bail hearing was Thursday morning which was set at $3,500. To bail her out, all you needed is $350 (don’t you love shortcuts?) We called around to every family member who would be able to give something (from $1 to the whole amount)…sadly, not one member of my family gave a dime…luckily, my friend, Nicole, came through in the end as the savior! She used $250 from her bill money, which is being paid back, to get Keshia out…God, I owe her big time!

But the big kicker? Friday, I get a call from Keshia on a DCF worker’s cell phone. “Someone called the Department of Children & Families on me, claiming that I don’t take care of the boys.” The woman wanted to talk to me personally so I told her the truth. My sister has always put my nephews first! I was informed that these are the following alligations:

• The house is always a mess.
• Food & dirty diapers are all over the place.
• The children do not eat regularly.
• The kids get one bath every Monday, keeping on filthy clothing until the following Monday.
• My sister’s ‘baby daddy’ lives with her & smokes weed around them.
• He is too strict on the boys, especially the oldest who, biologically, is not his child.
• That the children are mistreated.

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT! I am over there every day to pick up and drop off Lee when I have to work, so I know what’s true and what’s false!

Sad thing is…I know exactly who made this false report and I fear that my time behind bars is on its way…for assault & battery!

I do not appreciate how people treat my family…especially when those people are family themselves…fuck them! They can all go to hell!!

{Current Song: Go To Sleep – Eminem feat. DMX (Can be found on the Cradle 2 The Grave Soundtrack)}

Turning Around…

One of my final conversations to Maharet was about how I felt I failed her as a daughter…how I felt I didn’t make her proud. She told me, “It’s ok, Caly. You’ll do better…things will change and get better for you.”

Last week, I applied for a position at an apartment complex, $9.50/hr, off on weekends, no nights, off on holidays. As I was on my way there, I could smell Maharet’s perfume, as if she was sitting right next to me…

Today, they called me and officially offered me the position…I now have a job!

Now things are beginning to come full circle. My foot is already in the door, now all there is to do is knock that door off it’s hinges and walk through…

Ma, you were right…things WILL and ARE getting better…and I couldn’t have done it without your guidance.

Current Song: Halo – Beyonce